Thank you for being a reader here at What Did She Say? I am so pleased to have you here! If you enjoy this post, please share it. And if you would like to be a free or paid subscriber I would love that. Your support means I can spend more time writing here.
TW: disordered eating
I feel a little ashamed about the forthcoming admission, but I promised myself when writing about my weight gain and (hopeful) weight loss, I’d be transparent and share everything, warts and all. But it’s hard to tell people the embarrassing stuff isn’t it?
Weigh ins? I can share those stats. After all, it’s not like I’ve very successfully managed to hide my weight gain. It’s crept on, slowly, slowly over the last 4+ years. Increasingly larger clothes were bought, the baggier the better. Like many folks who carry a little extra timber I would kid myself that a larger jumper would hide my stomach. Leggings were my uniform; no buttons to do up so less sadness when dressing. All this might be familiar to you. Or not. And if not, lucky you for having the genetic predisposition of being slim and/or having been taught a healthy attitude to food. I envy you. We’re not from the same tribe.
I can easily talk about how it irks me that social fat-tax is alive and well. I have been extremely thin and clinically obese and let me tell you, the world celebrates having thinner thighs. When larger I am spoken to more abruptly by strangers, literally walked into as if I don’t exist, ignored in groups. I remember one delightful morning clothes shopping with a colleague, we bumped into another old work mate and the two of them chatted about how scared they were of pregnancy in case they couldn’t lose the weight. I was maybe a only size 14 then and a mother of two. They didn’t include me in the conversation, probably because I was the very thing they were scared of. Neither of them were mean girls, just saw me as ‘other’. I ate extra crisps that night, which isn’t their fault. I’m just telling you so you can understand how self-sabotaging being unhappy with your weight can be, in case you haven’t experienced it.
I don’t even mind sharing photos of my larger moments. Sure they’re mostly behind a paywall, but it’s easy enough to get a free trial here on Substack, so anyone can see them if they want to. I’ve even taken some pictures of myself in a bikini which I may or may not share one day. I’m not totally against it, but I’d like to have some amazing ‘after’ photos to pop alongside them. Imagine if I were famous and my photos were hacked? Not for me the shame of nudes being published for all to see, oh no. Just my rolls and cellulite in all their glory!
But none of these are the things I am really embarrassed by. What I want to tell you about is how I
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to What Did She Say? to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.