Mounjaro update

TLDR: On it, off it, back on it.

Some of you may remember my diary entries about Mounjaro (a GLP-1 weight loss drug, similar to Ozempic) last year. If you’re new here or want to re-read them then they’re available here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. I’ve also written a lot about my weight over the years including everything I know about being thin, gaining weight as a test of love, the Human Being Diet, what I am most ashamed of, reaching rock bottom (my most read piece here on substack after the Meghan debacle) and feeling bad about my wattle.

If in future you want to hear what I have to say about weight, parenting, love, grief, marriage, divorce, DIY, crafting, neurodiversity, popular culture etc etc then sign up below using the handy subscribe button. You can be a free subscriber and get access to LOADS of content. There are over 225 pieces of writing on here already:

In short, like many women (and men, but hey let’s not pretend this isn’t skewed to be a female issue) I have a long and tense relationship with the scales. Also with clothes. Also with mirrors. I’m too old to pretend otherwise. I just can’t and won’t pretend that being fat is something I’m okay with. And yes, I am absolutely allowed to use the F word.

When you’ve been as big as I have it’s okay to call it what it is. I have been very fat. I have been very thin. I’ve been everything in between. So I will talk about weight and I will be honest. I say all this as I know the F word triggers people. That’s okay, but really, I just don’t care. As I said, getting older is great for slowly unpeeling all the layers of nonsense we carry to make ourselves more palatable to others.

Okay, speech over. Now for an update. I will make no apology that later on some of this is behind a paywall. Why? Because if you’re going to read about my bowel habits and libido then hell yes I’m going to make you pay for it. If you’re just here for cold hard weight loss information then it’s free. I’m not a complete mercenary monster.

So last year after losing around a stone (6kg ish) on the Human Being Diet I stalled. The reason? It wasn’t related to what I put in my mouth that’s for sure. It was emotional. Isn’t it always? More court related drama (again if you’re new here let’s just say I am divorced and I have spent the last 7 years in and out of court; it’s been a ride) sent me to the biscuit tin. I was furious about this. I’d worked so hard with my exercise and diet and yet my trousers were getting tighter again. But I couldn’t stop. I felt a compulsion to eat and eat and eat. Comfort in the form of sugar and cheese.

(Just one of the many baked goods I like to make and snaffle: brioche burger buns. Mmmm).

The court hearing passed as it always does. It’s awful each time but it’s livable, because most things are, aren’t they? Anyway, you’re not here for divorce and litigation chat, you want the skinny (ahem…) on weight loss. So, after the hearing I met for a chat with a friend who was taking Ozempic. We talked and I judged, because people who are ill informed get their information from the Daily Mail, Facebook, Instagram and rumour, don’t they? I know I did. They say things like ‘from the research I’ve read’ and then can’t cite the research because they mean ‘from the lazy sensationalist journalism I’ve read’. I expressed my worry to said friend. That she might get cancer. Or pancreatitis. Or a bowel obstruction. Or that she might DIE. All this. I was THAT friend, cocking my head to one side and saying ‘I’m just worried about you… you’re gorgeous the way you are… please be careful… these drugs aren’t tested’.

And then I did some real research and found myself ordering Mounjaro. I started taking it in May and was the model patient. I weighed myself, took photos, logged everything I ate, upped my protein, upped my fibre, drank lots of water. I was so good at being on Mounjaro. And because I did it by the book, I lost weight with relatively few side effects. I was very careful not to lose too quickly because I’d read that the people who end up with pancreatitis from GLP-1 drugs are those who lose very fast. (Turns out the method is irrelevant, losing weigh fast by any means can do you a mischief). I was careful to eat enough calories and I was super mindful with adding in fibre so I didn’t get one of those dastardly bowel obstructions. And on the vanity front I didn’t want to end up with loads of loose skin. Slow and steady wins the flapping bingo wing race.

I gradually worked my way up the doses, again, being a model patient. I lost weight consistently to the point where my face changed back to how it used to look before I adopted that bicycle pump pillow face from all the biscuits and cake and pastries and, well, you get the picture. I felt SO good. It was easy. Not easy in a weight melting magical fashion where you eat chips and burgers and sweets and still shrink to a skinny person. It makes you feel fuller faster, less hungry. And for me, stopped the cravings for junk food. It demoted food from the main character to a supporting role.

My body wasn’t just getting smaller, it felt like I was aging backwards. My knees stopped hurting almost immediately, my back pain eased. I could do more because as I lost timber, I just didn’t get that tired anymore. I slept better, snored slightly less, felt happier, literally and mentally lighter. I was more creative. I know, I know, it’s a stretch, but when you’ve had an addiction to shovelling stuff into your mouth, to be free of the obsession leaves you with a lot of brain space. I started to write again, proper writing - fiction no less. I started to think about new ways to make money. I had pep in my step. I felt like me, the real me. Things were going so very well that I started to wean myself down the doses with a view to one day stopping entirely. By the end of last year I’d lost around 3.5 stone on Mounjaro, that’s not taking into the account the stone I’d already shed through the Human Being Diet. So, that’s over 28kg in 12 months. I felt fantastic. Dare I say it; I looked pretty good too.

And then I felt a lump.

Yep, I felt a f*cking lump at the back of my neck. I left it for a week and it didn’t go. Then another week. Me and my lump saw the GP who agreed it was indeed hard, and she explained, it was not an enlarged lymph node. It shouldn’t be there, but was ‘probably nothing’. I had bloods done. Then I got called back in to see the same GP. She decided to send me for a scan. I immediately stopped taking Mounjaro and spent a lot of time going down rabbit holes reading up on various cancers. I know you’re not supposed to but I’m a reader. I like to know as much as possible so I can sit with the maximum amount of anxiety available. I worried that my quest to be smaller would turn out to kill me. Dramatic, yes.

I had to wait almost a month for the scan. During that time, off the wonder drug that is Mounjaro, my old behaviour crept back in. I found myself snuffling for snacks in the kitchen after the kids are in bed, visited the drive thru more than a few times, ate bowl after bowl of cereal back to back for no good reason, ate until I was beyond full many times. Every opportunity I had I’d add food into the mix. Meeting a friend for a coffee? Let’s have brunch! One of the kids off school? I’ll order us a takeaway for lunch! Catching a show at the theatre, let’s go for noodles before, oh and ice-cream too. The weight started to very slowly reappear. I knew I was undoing months of work, but I also didn’t care. I felt despondent and fatalistic. I couldn’t stop thinking about eating. One night, unable to sleep, I tip toed down the stairs and ate two packets of crisps, two cheese sandwiches with the filling cut thicker than the bread, two protein tiramisu’s and the contents of the biscuit tin. I felt sick but disappointed that I’d exhausted all options. I considered driving to the 24 hour McDonalds. I was back where I used to be, where food controlled me and I had to battle daily not to eat everything, like a middle aged Hungry Caterpillar. Now I know some of this eating could have been a stress response to the imminent scan, but in all honesty, I don’t think it was. It was just like the bad old days. Was I going to go back to weight up - weight down, eat everything - eat nothing? Up and down and up and down and goodness me it was exhausting just thinking about it.

I had the scan and guess what?

Everything was fine. The lump is, after all that, just an enlarged lymph node. Nothing to worry about. Get on with your life. And so I did. I ordered my Mounjaro pen and I’m back on it (back at the starting level dose, essentially I am micro-dosing) and I am free again. I am eating normally. Reasonable portions, no secret eating. I feel excited about life again. I have room in my brain to think. It’s just utterly joyous. I LOVE MOUNJARO.

If you’ve never felt addicted to food this might all sound bonkers but I promise you, from this side of the tracks, it’s very real. It feels like being out of control. Now, as soon as anyone with a weight problem talks about not being able to stop eating, of food being The Boss, there’s a presumed moral failing. That person needs to get a grip, right? Eat less, move more, simple maths. Stop being such a lazy blimp and show some restraint! (Let’s remember that those who suffer with bulimia, as long as they’re thin, aren’t treated with the same contempt. The message: it’s okay to binge eat just as long as you stay slim).

But I am not a lazy person. I wasn’t fat because of inertia. I do a lot. I am solely financially responsible for 3 kids. I run my own business. I feed, clothe and heat the household on a budget which takes effort and planning. I cook from scratch every day. I do the lion’s share of the housework. I exercise for 5 - 6 hours a week. I am a busy person! And still I was fat.

The demonisation of fat people, the framing of them as lazy, morally inferior, is outrageous. I am tired of articles by thin-lifers (ie/ slim from birth) about GLP-1’s and how they’re not the answer to the obesity epidemic. The subtext being that Mounjaro/Ozempic is a cheat’s method to lose weight. Back to those fatties being morally inferior again. The thing is, if you’ve never been fat you just don’t get it. There are some areas of life where lived experience is the only thing that counts. I’d go as far as to say that a thin-lifer’s point of view, unless research informed, is just hot air. There, I said it. If you’re slim and you’ve never suffered with any eating related disorder then I’d firstly say lucky you - you won the lottery of birth, born into a family where a healthy approach to eating was modelled, along with your genetics giving you a leg up. Secondly I’d say that your opinion is just not worth very much. You don’t get it. (And yeah after the Meghan debacle I’m wincing as I type and putting the boxing gloves on).

And of course for those who are fat and happy, good for them, they won’t be taking GLP-1 drugs. I wasn’t able to be both of those things. I was deeply unhappy when I was larger. Deeply unhappy and uncomfortable in my head and in my skin, with multiple physical side effects of being fat, only getting worse each year. My eating habits were slowly killing me. (Dramatic? Not really, not this time).

Here’s the thing, losing weight via Mounjaro was easy. It wasn’t quick mind. But it was effortless. I am thankful for that. Anyone who gets to the point of even wondering about Mounjaro has already struggled with their weight for years. They’ve more than likely done the tough stuff, paid their dues. The cayenne pepper and maple syrup fast, the Slimming World green and red days, the Atkins meatfest and creamy coffee, the Hay diet of combining this and that but not that and this, Weight Watchers point counting, VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diets) of powdered soups and shakes that never fully blend for a pop of chalk in the mouth, the effective if stinky cabbage soup diet, the apple, 10p Chomp and black coffee diet (TM Holly circa 1994). They’ve suffered enough. Why does weight loss have to involve punishment? Why does it need to be hard? Why do we have to prove we’ve done years of hard work already? Because fat people deserve it huh? Back to the moral failing of being fat again.

Wouldn’t it be great if being fat was a choice? I don’t think people should be made to take GLP-1’s, an identikit society is not the aim, but I also don’t think they should only be the preserve of the rich. I am utterly privileged to be able to access Mounjaro privately for relatively little. In the UK it’s possible through shopping around and being canny with discount codes to spend about £130 a month. With the reduction in my appetite, I’ve actually saved money on my grocery bill. I feel sad writing that. £130 or more spent on food every month that I didn’t want or need to eat but somehow couldn’t stop myself from consuming. Thanks to Mounjaro I’m now free and I couldn’t be happier.

Now for the juicy stuff. If you want to read more then you have to pay, sorry, but a girl’s gotta e̶a̶t̶ afford her Mounjaro. Handy button below:

Or if you liked this piece of writing perhaps you might like to share it? Sharing is caring and all that.