Day 6 in the Human Being Diet House

Another weigh in, plus what strangers on the internet say.

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Usual trigger warnings: weight loss, weight gain, disordered eating, eating disorders. If these things aren’t good for you, move on, there’s nothing to see here.

I missed a few days posting because I couldn’t face weighing myself and being disappointed in small losses. And I know that’s the main reason anyone is here reading. I know you. I see you.

I was also too weak to open my laptop. I joke. Except I did feel a bit crap. Critics of dieting will say this is evidence enough that diets are evil and should all be binned. I think I have been in that camp previously. But now I see this feeling of Victorian consumption as the see-saw to the gluttony that got me here. If I can put up with the painful gum burns from snaffling a whole tub of salt and vinegar Pringles in sub 5 minutes (my PB to date), so too can I cope with feeling hungry, sad and down right tired. Credit/debit. Life innit?

What’s been a bit irritating this week are strangers on the internet (all women if that’s interesting) messaging me and commenting on how I am ‘not obese’ and that ‘BMI should not be used to evaluate weight’ and so on. Now look, I’m not thick. I know BMI is a blunt instrument that fails on anyone with significant muscle mass, but that’s not me. I started the Human Being Diet (HBD) with 39.8% body fat. The normal range for my age is 20 - 33%. I was comfortably in the obese category.

People I’ve never met telling me I don’t need to lose weight or that I am not obese could be a misguided form of flattery, but as I tapped away to them, I don’t mind being labelled as obese. I’m not a delicate flower (I am), this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been a size 20 and a size 8 and everything in between. As I advise my sons if people say anything mean about me (sadly not strangers on the internet), you don’t need to defend me, I’m a big girl and I can take it. Likewise, I can take being obese. I just can’t live with it. I do not like my knees aching in bed at night, I do not like my cholesterol being high, I do not like my wardrobe repertoire reduced to leggings and men’s T shirts. I definitely don’t like the depression I experience when larger.

It’s not ‘feminist’ to tell other women not to lose weight. It’s not feminist to insist that their experience and emotions aren’t real or valid. I feel like a lot of these commentators need a Feminism 101 seminar. Anyway, rant over. You know what I mean. I know you do.

I’m almost at the weigh in, promise. I thought in the meantime I’d explain what Petronella (the HBD birth mother) allows on days 3 - 16, aka Phase 2, and how I’ve experienced my biggest loss yet on this diet through doing EXACTLY as she says.

Breakfast: Every morning I’ve had 2 boiled eggs plus 100g of vegetables with posh salt, plus an apple (eaten right to the core, almost pips) and black coffee. The veg has ranged from roasted spiced celeriac soldiers (not very nice admittedly) to green beans to roasted charred cauliflower (both delicious) to my favourite, avocado. It’s no mistake that this is the fattiest option. Delicious. Apple wise I’m a Pink Lady or Braeburn kind of girl and I’m not choosing funsize, rather the biggest apple I can get my mitts on.

Lunch: 140g (because I started the diet at over 80kg, if below this weight, should be 130g) turkey mince dry fried with lots of black pepper, 2 cloves garlic and a little fresh ginger. I then weigh out 130g lettuce leaves, arrange them on a plate and sprinkle the warm turkey into them. 10g of fresh mint, basil and coriander snipped over the top and then I drown it with apple cider vinegar because it’s my drug of choice at the moment. Lunch is accompanied by a herbal tea - I like anything with turmeric at the moment. Possibly due to the weather.

Dinner is often the same as lunch, though I have been experimenting with pulses (this sounds like the title of a 70’s cookbook, no?) lately and hit on a very filling dinner of 140g of garlic, ginger, green beans and tomatoes (very small % of the latter) sweated in water with turmeric, mustard seeds, cumin, cinnamon, black pepper, ground cloves and apple cider vinegar. Once all the green beans are tender I add 160g (you get more pulses than you do animal protein which might be the reason for my new found interest in small round tinned foods) drained aduki beans and simmer until all the water has pretty much evaporated, leaving a dry-ish, ugly, curried mess. It’s not authentic, it’s a Borrowers portion compared to my previous intake, but it’s very satisfying.

Each of these meals is taken 5 hours apart and the only drink I’m having in between is hot or cold water. This is a rule that I have broken in the past. Not madly. I’ve just allowed myself decaf black coffee and fruit teas. No more! I am pretty sure that’s why I have lost a lot less in the past on Phase 2 of the HBD. The other thing I’ve been doing is getting more sleep. Petronella is very clear that sleep is crucial to weight loss. I cancelled my much loved barre class on Saturday morning purely to add a lie in to my week. I need more sleep and my body is thanking me for it.

Okay, so you want to know how much my body is thanking me for it? Okay, I’ll tell you: