An interview with... a stylist
Introducing Fleur Mandeville
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I first met Fleur back in 1998. I was training to be a midwife and had made friends with a blonde bombshell of a course mate. For a while I was quite wary of Fleur; aware Lorna’s affections lay firmly with her. It was a strange set of emotions for me. Something I hadn’t come across before. A form of friendship jealousy if you will. I remember going to their halls one sunny afternoon to watch some boys play rugby and seeing Fleur hold court playing some imaginary bongos to a song. She seemed so self possessed and unafraid to make a fool of herself. I was in awe and more than a little jealous. Older than the rest of us and a really hard worker too. Her studies were extremely important to her. Something I now recognise as common with ‘mature’ (ie/ not 18 years old) students.
For some years I received news of Fleur via our mutual friend. She married before us all, had her first baby earlier too. Her life always seemed grown up and fast forwarded. I remember a dinner out in my mid twenties. Fleur was pregnant with her first daughter, in contrast my personal life was chaotic and my only constant was work. Our lives were quite disparate.
But life changes. I grew up and embraced responsibility. And Fleur? Well she sort of came full circle. One day I saw her on instagram looking VERY different. She’d had what I can only describe as a glow up. Turns out she’d retrained as a stylist, and well, that’s where we’ll meet her now…
Tell me a bit about yourself. What do you do?
I was born in Dublin in July 1976 so will be 48 this year. I live in Tunbridge Wells in Kent having brought my own house last year following my divorce. I have 3 children Rosie 18, Olivia 16 and Archie 13. And a French Bulldog called Hermione. I set up my personal styling business 7 years ago after going back and retraining the year I turned 40. I have not looked back and enjoy every second of my job and find it incredibly rewarding to change lives through style. I have always loved fashion so my work just feels like fun, and I feel very proud of what I have built up through hard work, grit and consistency. I offer wardrobe edits, personal shopping, colour analysis and I work with brands a lot too.
My childhood was challenging. It's only in recent years through counselling that I have really acknowledged this. I was for a long time in default mode just doing what I thought was expected of me, not really knowing how to develop and maintain healthy relationships, because I had never had one growing up. My parents came from traumatic and troubled backgrounds and they did their best, but it meant that I looked after everyone else, found it difficult to speak my truth and abandoned myself in the process. When all this started to rise to the surface, it didn't come slowly, it hit me like walking into a brick wall...I think because I had supressed it for so long. And as a result my marriage fell apart within months and I'm still getting my head around it all now. I got divorced last September.
The silver lining to this all though is that I have found myself and I am living an authentic life, having the courage to speak my truth now and being much stronger and happier in the process. The relationships I do have are deep, meaningful, open and honest and this includes my children, who are my number one priority.
Has there been a f*ck it moment in your life? How has it influenced your choices since?
I think rather than a f*ck it moment, I have learnt to listen to my gut and respond accordingly... this can sometimes feel like a f*ck it moment because listening to my gut often requires going way out of my comfort zone. But my gut has never been wrong and through the last couple of years I have had to really, really tune into this to make some difficult decisions. As an example this has looked like putting boundaries in place and knowing my self worth, which does not sound like a lot but is huge to someone who has never really done it. Plus, the backlash from this in terms of people throwing it back at you, not respecting you, mocking you makes it very hard to stay strong. But that's where the personal growth comes in and I can now see all of this for what it is, which is that most people have sh*t that they need to deal with and react before they think.
Best moment and worst moment personally?
I think a couple of worst moments have been the traumatic labour and delivery of my first baby. It was 3 days and ended with my baby being born unconscious and needing to be resuscitated. Then 6 days after my 3rd baby was born I received the news that my father had suddenly died of a heart attack. Nothing can prepare you for that shock. There were also many worst moments through my recent divorce. It's a brutal process.
But then best moments include, the home births of my 2nd and 3rd babies without a Dr in sight. Watching the sunset in Ibiza...my spiritual home, the day I got the keys to MY home last year, and achieving a first class honours degree, when I thought for a long time I was not very clever.
Best and worst moment professionally?
Professionally I think the worst moment/time was when I have let people take me for granted and not been paid what I know I am worth. Just before I decided to retrain as a personal stylist I was working for a company that did not even pay me the minimum wage.
The best moments have been in the dressing room with clients when they put on an outfit that makes them feel empowered, beautiful and alive. There have been many emosh times and it is a privilege to be able to create that happiness for people.
Best advice ever given?
My dad always told me that the world is your oyster, and I think it absolutely is. You can achieve anything if you work hard enough for it.
Worst advice ever given?
Just anybody who projects their crap onto me; difference now is that I can spot it!
Any regrets?
I regret not travelling more when I was younger. I did not have the confidence to do it. But I plan to make up for that now.
You couldn’t get through the week without…
My morning coffee. I look forward to it every day.
For anyone coveting the life of an entrepreneur, what might surprise them?
It takes A LOT of work and you wear all the hats. You have to have grit and determination and you have to be willing to put yourself out of your comfort zone often because that is where the magic happens. It looks glamourous, but it often is not. For me though the benefits far out weigh the negatives and I would not have it any other way.
What does the future hold for you? Do you make hard and soft goals in business/life? Would you be open to marrying again?
I plan to carry on building my business. I am currently re-branding it and I am so excited about the next chapter of Fine Styling. I want to travel lots and I want to have the time to take care of myself and my children, to enjoy the simple things in life. It's too soon to know if I would be open to marrying again, I still feel pretty traumatised by my divorce, but never say never, as I know time heals.
Multiple choices:
Heels or flats? Flats, but I do love heels from time to time still
London or Ibiza? Ibiza.
Dog or cat? Dog.
Save or spend? Both...I believe life is a balance of both.
Weights or yoga? Weights.
Starter or pudding? Pudding, but only if I absolutely love it.
Owl or lark? Owl.
Made to measure or off the shelf? Depends entirely on the brief lol.